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February 06, 2008
The Pickle King of Islamistan
NOTE: Since it's been about three months since I first promised to write a post about the man who would be king of Xinjiang, I recommend that all of you re-read "Glory Days for Separatists" before continuing on.
Who exactly was Dr. Khalid Sheldrake, the so-called (by me) "Pickle King of Islamistan"? Well, for starters he was born as Bertram William Sheldrake in 1888, a middle-to-upper class fellow who in the first decade of the 20th century became one of Britain's earliest white Muslim converts. The son of a wealthy pickle magnate, Sheldrake changed his name to Khalid upon his conversion to Islam and became very active in the early days of the Woking Muslim Mission, Britain's first mosque. He was a frequent contributor to The Islamic Review and later went on to found the Western Islamic Association.
Khalid Sheldrake was nothing if not a zealous believer in Islam, spending much of his time analyzing the supposedly mistaken lessons contained in the Bible and comparing them unfavorably with the teachings of the Koran. Among his fellow British Muslims, Sheldrake quickly gained a reputation for being "a little too ambitious" (link) and lacking substantially in humility. Alienated from his Muslim brothers but well-regarded by the members of his race, Sheldrake easily captured the 1927 award for Self-Righteous Muslim Dork of the Year in conjunction with his efforts to translate the Koran into Esperanto. (Seriously, this wacko was the world's top authority in the under-appreciated field of Islamic-Esperanto Studies.) In 1930, Sheldrake was instrumental in quelling anti-Muslim riots in the British port of South Shields stirred up by rumors that Arab seamen were luring white girls into sexual liasons with money and gifts.
Ah, yes... to cap it all off (pun intended), Dr. Sheldrake — who's titles sometimes extended to Sheikh, Imam, and Count — became quite fond of wearing a dark red fez in the Moroccan style. This striking piece of head gear became something of a personal trademark.
And now on to the Xinjiang connection: Long since having established his reputation as a complete weirdo and occasional jack-ass, in 1934 Dr. Khalid Sheldrake somehow came to the attention of the Uyghur government of the short-lived Khotan Emirate established alongside - but separate from - the equally brief East Turkestan Republic. There are some unverified suggestions that Sheldrake was an agent for the British foreign intelligence service, and that his appointment was arranged in an attempt to extend British influence in Xinjiang and Tibet.
The New York Times first reported on Dr. Sheldrake's royal intentions on March 13, 1934:
Notice the huge grain of salt that the Times' writer seems to be taking with this story... no discussions of the geopolitical importance of Xinjiang or of the recent rebellions that had devastated the local population. Just the musings of a haughty British housewife, excited about the admiration held for her husband by Muslims worldwide and a bit worried about her two little princes. (These two princes would later go on to fame as the subject of a Spin Doctors hit single.)
Not to be outdone in commenting on the humorously unlikely chances of an Englishman's success ruling over a land of "half-savage Mohammedan tribesman", the Washington Post chimed in on June 10, 1934 (edited for length and humor):
Gulp! I'll take one sultan's grandson, please.
It must have been a real pickle of 57 varieties for that Washington Post write to work the word "pickle" into that article so many times. Good work, old boy!
Of course, as you've probably already guessed, the story of Dr. Khalid Sheldrake doesn't quite turn out the way he expected it to... thus, I'm writing this entry not from Islamistan where everyone wears a dark red fez but from a land that remains Chinese and is still called Xinjiang, the "New Frontier". (Need more evidence? Open the window. Those fireworks aren't celebrating the Islamistani New Year, are they?)
Dr. Khalid Sheldrake's brief rise to power in Xinjiang concludes, then, with a flight of terror somehow perfectly suitable for a power-hungry toothbrush-mustachioed British ninny. Barely settled on his throne in Hotan (Or was it Kashgar? He's sometimes referred to as the Emir of Kashgar. Hmmmm.), Sheldrake is forced to flee towards British India. From the Los Angeles Times, August 5, 1934:
And guess who it was who chased old Sheldie off his mutton-scented throne? None other than Sheng Shicai, an early convert to communism who later proved his total un-Communistness by executing Chairman Mao's little brother and fleeing to Taiwan. Or, in some accounts, Sheldrake was chased off by Ma Zhongyin (aka the Baby General), who was then in turn chased into the USSR by Sheng Shicai... where he was never heard from again. It doesn't really matter either way, does it?
Anyway, that's the history of Xinjiang in a nutshell... pompous asshole becomes king and is chased off by an even bigger jerk. Fighting ensues. People die. And then it happens all over again. And again. And again...
As TIME magazine put it, the story of Dr. Khalid Sheldrake is "no more outlandish than everything else in the mountain-walled bowl of sand between China, Russia and India." Well, perhaps a bit more outlandish.
Happy Year of the Rat to everyone in China, the U.S., and across the globe! 新年快乐!
posted February 06, 2008 at 03:06 PM unofficial Xinjiang time | HaoHao This!
Comments
Wow, awesome account, thanks!
Almost seems like the 1934 variant of receiving an email someday joyously notifying me with a hearty "Compliments of the season, I hope the times find you in good health, my friend" and that I am the designated recipient of $1.5 million dollars from a Nigerian Prince (who I've never met and can't find his name on Wikipedia) if only I provide my routing and account number, and like those poor few suckers that actually blow their live savings on their mythical African millions, this guy certainly went one step further only to meet a sad demise.
Posted by: Lucas at February 6, 2008 10:48 PM
Happy Year of the Rat to you.
Posted by: rick at February 6, 2008 11:04 PM
Thanks for the interesting and amusing history lesson!
Posted by: bev at February 6, 2008 11:16 PM
A good joke indeed.
Posted by: Joke at February 7, 2008 06:44 AM
Interesting, but it only reminds me of a recent story I heard about a tomato king being driven out of xinjiang. He was also a Brit, or at least had mastered an Oxford accent. They say he was immensely tall, fluent in many languages, and particularly skilled in the art of chinese hand gestures. Rumor has it he's in Shanghai even now gathering support for his planned return to power. Ever heard of him?
Posted by: ouyang at February 7, 2008 08:40 PM
@ouyang:
Don't worry, I've taken care of him. There's only room for one tomato king in Xinjiang. (By which I mean the bingtuan, not myself. Sigh.) I don't think we'll be hearing any of that Oxford nonsense in these parts any time soon! Bwa hah hah hah.
Posted by: michael at February 7, 2008 08:45 PM
I've always thought that we could make some seriously epic movies out of Xinjiang history. This is one of them.
Posted by: Eric at February 7, 2008 09:55 PM
Had American Taliban fighter John Walker just crossed border, the history might have repeated.
Posted by: IC at February 8, 2008 01:45 AM
I always thought there was something missing in "The Man Who Would Be King"...
Posted by: Tiako at February 8, 2008 04:39 AM
This story totally deserves a wikipedia article.
Posted by: Vincent at February 9, 2008 01:10 AM
Quite exactly the story i've been looking for about xinjiang . . . been always wondering on the imminent cold war between the Hans and the Uygurs (just my own observation).
GREAT!!
Posted by: viva at February 10, 2008 10:05 AM
this is awsskal
Posted by: steven at April 17, 2008 10:30 PM